Does this make me one of "them"???

I caved. I relented. I gave in. I conceded. For the first time in just over 19 years, I fell off the wagon. There were no 12 steps to save me. My dealer merely smiled and took my money.

I bought....... a Beckett.
For the first time since spring of 1992, I bought a beckett price guide. Even typing the words price guide gives me the shivers.
Did you know these things are now $10??? And that's only because my dealer wants everyone to be hooked so he doesn't charge the $15 cover price?!!
Not only that, but they are now 3/4 " thick! I should be able to read for hours! But no. Out of 168 pages, 14 pages of advertisements, 8 pages of stories, and 144 pages of price guide. All in glorious black and white, blurry newsprint.
Does this mean that everytime someone offers me a trade that I'll go sprinting over to check to see if I'm giving up a $40 card and only getting $38 in cards back? No.
I needed a handy printed checklist to look up cards because there are waaaay too many sets out there that I don't know about. After perusing this...... it may or may not work. Too soon to tell.

So out of this, I have two questions.... #1 Does this make me one of them? You know the guy I'm talking about...... I don't think so, but we're entering perilous waters here....
and question #2.... How do I tell my wife? Confused? Here's part two to my story....

Because I always need a good laugh, I started to look up some of my cards in the .... "price guide" section. I'm sitting there, chuckling away, when my wife happens along. She asks what I'm doing, and then offers to help. Now she rarely helps with anything card related except opening packs.... so I accept her offer.

Spending time with her, check. Still playing with sportscards, check. Good times, check.

I soon realized that it was a huge mistake. As I continued to pull out cards, she kept looking up their "worth". I was in big trouble.
After an hour, my wife had figured out just by using this small sample size, then multiplying by what I had upstairs, that we were millionaires. She couldn't understand why I wasn't as excited as she was.... there was no bursting her bubble. Deep into her beautiful brown eyes were dollar signs.... lots of them.
The next day I came home and there were vacation brochures on the counter. Belize, Bora Bora, and Montenegro.

I don't even know where Montenegro is.....

Then she comes home with a new car.

After reviving me, she explained it was just a test drive, and would I like to take it for a spin?

So I ask you, how the hell do I explain to her reality. And that this price guide is the furthest thing from it???
Why do they even print a price guide that haas no prices even close to true value???

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