BwahahahhaHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The American Gold Glove winners were announced today.... and let's just say that apparently a blind man used a dart board to pick some of the winners as Derek Jeter............

wait. I made someone a promise. Dangit. I can't say anything more for at least 36 hours..... ARGH!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

This just in, a panel of drunken homeless people left over from the ticker tape parade have voted to give Derek Jeter, one of baseball's most horrendous shortstops, a gold glove for his "work" this year.
*crickets*

Yes, you read that correctly. Even ESPN has published an article questioning the mental stability of the voting panel. And you know if ESPN says something disparaging about the Yankees, it must be bad. After all, they had to crawl out of Jeter's ass to write it in the first place.

Derek Jeter UZR for 2009 - 6.6
Erik Aybar UZR for 2009 - 7.8
Elvis Andrus UZR for 2009 - 10.7

EDIT: I forgot about Cesar Izturis UZR 10.8 and Adam Everett UZR 8.9


The voters remarked on how Jeter committed the fewest errors of his career. That's because he couldn't bend over to pick anything up, let alone bobble it. A statue would commit ZERO errors. Let's give it a gold glove.

They probably would if it was wearing pinstripes.

Idiots.

All Star votes...

I'm getting further and further behind in my posts.... so rather than catch up, I thought I'd annoy a few people first.

What the hell are people thinking with their "All Star" votes? I know this a fan friendly event (notice I didn't say game) but really people.

Yadier Molina????????? Holy crap.

David Wright? He's not even the best 3rd baseman in his division, let alone league...

Alfonso Soriano?????

Jimmy Rollins????

Josh Hamilton??? At least Josh is an All Star, but being injured should have removed him from contention long ago.

Apparently there are 1.7 million mentally handicapped people running around in Yadier Molina jerseys with crumpled all star ballots in one fist and broken crayons in the other. Who knew his mom knew so many "special" people?

Donald Fehr is gone, when can we get rid of Selig and just START THE HELL OVER?

WTF?!

What the motherloving hell is going on here???
First off, a big congratulations to Braves catcher Brian McCann for winning a Silver Slugger Award. Very deserved.
But how in the hell can a guy like David Wright win one over Chipper Jones?
Chipper only, I dunno, won a batting title this season. If he hadn't got hurt, would've had a case for MVP...

Seriously? David Freakin' Wright?
Unbelievable....