New Official Blog Member

Earlier in the day I updated the site with the latest information on this site's official members, but that was only to prepare you for today's event. For the longest time here at the Sports Tome there has been something terribly wrong. At different times I have felt that both ghosts and ninjas are attempting to prevent me from doing the best sport's reporting possible. Kimbo is not trained to take on such foes and is quite busy in his day-to-day training to take on the site's normal human enemies. With the nature of these foes being what they are, Jenna Jameson is also useless because she cannot sleep with them to death. So I believe it is time to name an official defense team for this site dedicated to stopping all supernatural/karate based enemies. But who should take on such a monumental task? There are only two options. I'm going to either need some genetically altered ninjas of the reptilian species who are not yet very old or some people who are capable of creaming poltergeists. The battle is on. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. The Ghostbusters.

Were going to grade them in the following categories from 1 to 10 with the highest total becoming the official defense team of this blog. The categories are:

-Theme Song
-Leader
-Smartest Member
-Dumbest Member
-Biggest Enemy
-Best Friend
-Weapons
-Popularity
-Movies
-Worst Moment

Let's get moving on it. This site can't wait one more moment for a defense team.

Theme Song



Entertaining, but it steals too much from the movie. 5/10



Greatest Theme Song Ever. Walk into a room and start singing and soon everyone will join in. 10/10


Leader

The Ghostbusters always seemed to compliment each other so well that they never really had a true leader or needed one. Much Props. 8/10


Leonardo was at the disadvantage of having to lead his own siblings which made things tough, but he worked hard and usually did a good job. 7/10

Smartest Member

Egon Spengler can catch ghosts and contain them inside special machines. 'Nuff Said. 10/10

Donatello makes alot of stuff that usually breaks and his best weapon is a stick. 4/10

Dumbest Member

Peter Venkman isn't the sharpest tool in the shade, but he got Sigourney Weaver in the sack and is hilarious. 8/10
Michalangelo is a party dude and as such is not required to be a genius. He serves his role well. 7/10

Biggest Enemy

A massive Marshmallow Man is more delicious than scary, but he does stay puffed. 4/10

Shredder is the coolest looking inept man I have ever seen. But cool looking none the less especially when he's looking super and played by Kevin Nash. 7/10

Best Friend

A giant floating green glob that licks everything named Slimer doesn't make for great cocktail parties, but he did have a delicious ice cream bar. 5/10

A giant rat trained as a ninja named Splinter doesn't make for great cocktail parties, but he can kick you ass. 7/10

Weapons

They have streams which can never be crossed. That's gotta be powerful. 8/10

Swords, Nunchucks, and hand tridents (thats what they are) are cool, but having a guy who swing sticks is infinitely lame. 4/10

Popularity

They peaked as an incredibly popular movie which spawned a decently long running TV show and sequel. 7/10

They went from a comic parody to a cultural icon with a movie trilogy and multiple TV series. 10/10

Movies

There are only two movies and I really only enjoy watching the first, but there both pretty good. 8/10

With a whole trilogy you would think they would be good each time, but each film got progressively worse from the still great if slightly too kiddy first flick. 7/10

Worst Moment

Your eyes bleeding from watching the horrible claymation effects of the 1980's. 8/10

Your brain exploding as the Ninja Turtles team up with Usagi Yojimbo (actually pretty cool, I really just wanted to mention they did that) in the same year they traveled back to ancient Japan. 8/10

And with 10 categories in the books we have a tie at 71. How do we break this?

Well obviously we go to the video games. The Ninja Turtles have more good 8 and 16 bit games than you can shake a stick at (as if that would do anything to electronics)


and the Ghostbusters have this.


I think it's obvious who are winner is then.

Congratulations Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! You are now the Official Sports Tome Defense Team. Please report to Kimbo to receive more information about this amazing job you have been given. And please, no Ninja Rapping while your on duty.

Blog Member Update

While I still remain the sole writer/editor/researcher/do stuffer for the website as a whole, returning readers should remember I am not the only member on the staff here at the Daily Sports Tome. Currently two other people are employed in various ways through this site in official positions vitally important to our success. I speak of course of the official blog woman and bodyguard. Let's check in with them and see how it's going.

Official Blog Bodyguard - Kimbo Slice
The most recent Kimbo news continues to be that he will battle Tank Abbot in his second MMA fight this year. The fight is scheduled to occur on October 12th at CFFC 6 "Heavy Hands". Tank Abbot has been talking smack about the Sports Tome and Kimbo is not taking kindly to it. The fight will not be pretty. He has dedicated his life to destroying this site's enemies and will stop at nothing until he does. Just remember what happened to the last man he fought.


Official Blog Lady - Jenna Jameson
Since our last update the official blog member with boobs has been quite busy. First of all, she has apparently dropped about 40 pounds from a increasingly bitter divorce and a botched vaginoplasty (seriously). She definitely looks worse from wear from the pictures in the link. Her divorce hasn't stopped her from being involved with other men though (she's a porn star for heaven's sake), as she is also apparently busily distracting her MMA boyfriend Tito Ortiz. During all of this she has also found time to star in her own nudity free comic strip. What an amazing woman. All of that above and she still has all the time in the world to drive traffic to my site thanks to google image search. Oh, and she defended this site in front of Bill O'Reilly.

Thanks for all your support of this site official Sports Tome members. Keep up the good work.

It's Time! It's Time! It's KIMBO TIME!

My official blog bodyguard has entered training for his next match against Tank Abbott and he's all business. Now that he knows he has to protect this amazing site (the views expressed here are not those of the general public), the official blog girl (who was named today), and this house (as anyone who has every worn UnderArmor knows). So to anyone thinking of starting a problem with anyone associated with this wonderful little enterprise, Kimbo would like you to view this...

The First Official Sports Tome Girl

It is quite funny how the Internet works. You work hard. You write articles. You make observations. You just try to entertain as best you can. Sometimes though, the most random things influence the success of your website. Say for instance, you wrote a joke column about the future odd couple. And say for instance, in that column you made Jenna Jameson there hot neighbor and included a picture of her. Now let's say Google's spider crawled your site and found that picture then placed it on the first page of her image search. That would generate alot of hits right?

Well, that's what happened to me. Go ahead, click here and see for yourself (unless you want porn make sure your Google safe search is on before you do). I put one picture of her on my site two weeks ago and now I'm getting 5 times the traffic I was before. That is why I am official naming Jenna Jameson the first official Sports Tome Girl (take that G blog rating). Congratulations Jenna. I'm sure its the culmination of all your life's work.

The Picture Which Made Me Famous