Payback!

A couple of weekends ago, I dragged the wife out of town to one of the local nurseries to look at some trees and greenery for the back yard. She agreed a little too readily, but I unfortunately didn't notice at the time. After picking out some shrubbery, (why do I feel like watching Monty Python right now?) she volunteered to drive home. The second warning sign I missed. I must be getting old. Or I've given up and haven't yet noticed.

Anyways... I'm sure a lot of you have been trapped like this. On the way home, she pulled off onto a different road and into a yard sale. All the signs in front of me and I missed all of them. Now I'm doomed for a morning of yard sales. Fantastic. Now what? Think fast man!

I did what any sane person would do. No, not cower in the back of the truck in the fetal position.... I got revenge. Payback if you will.

I bought stuff. Stuff I know would annoy the hell out of my wife. Want to see?

I bought books. Old books. Books about stuff she couldn't care less about. And I plan on leaving them laying around half read throughout the house.

 There's some beauties in there... .25 cents each! The bottom three on the left were a box set for .50 cents!
You should've seen her cringe when I asked her to hold some of them while I dug for more....

and then there's the cards! Oh yeah! Again, out of a .25 cent box. How come I can't find a card shop with a .25 cent box, or even a card show with one, but I can find one at a yard sale in rural Alberta?

That's Big Andruw, an unopened pack of 5x7 cards from an Esso gas station, a Pavel Bure Young Gun rookie card with a Pat Fallon Team Canada rookie card in one of theose double holder thingies.... and not one, but two Eric Lindros rookie cards in screw down holders.
I used to sell those for $40.... now I'm buying them for .25.... with a $2 screw down holder included.

The look on her face when I held those up and shouted to her from 30 feet away, "Honey! Look!"

I added a rusty old metal Coca Cola sign and a lantern from the wagon train days for $5 so I could put them in the garage where she parks. She sees them just sitting there every day, twice a day now.

And I no longer am asked to go to yard sales with her.

I need to write a book or something....

Does this make me one of "them"???

I caved. I relented. I gave in. I conceded. For the first time in just over 19 years, I fell off the wagon. There were no 12 steps to save me. My dealer merely smiled and took my money.

I bought....... a Beckett.

For the first time since spring of 1992, I bought a beckett price guide. Even typing the words price guide gives me the shivers.
Did you know these things are now $10??? And that's only because my dealer wants everyone to be hooked so he doesn't charge the $15 cover price?!!
Not only that, but they are now 3/4 " thick! I should be able to read for hours! But no. Out of 168 pages, 14 pages of advertisements, 8 pages of stories, and 144 pages of price guide. All in glorious black and white, blurry newsprint.
Does this mean that everytime someone offers me a trade that I'll go sprinting over to check to see if I'm giving up a $40 card and only getting $38 in cards back? No.
I needed a handy printed checklist to look up cards because there are waaaay too many sets out there that I don't know about. After perusing this...... it may or may not work. Too soon to tell.

So out of this, I have two questions.... #1 Does this make me one of them? You know the guy I'm talking about...... I don't think so, but we're entering perilous waters here....
and question #2.... How do I tell my wife? Confused? Here's part two to my story....

Because I always need a good laugh, I started to look up some of my cards in the .... "price guide" section. I'm sitting there, chuckling away, when my wife happens along. She asks what I'm doing, and then offers to help. Now she rarely helps with anything card related except opening packs.... so I accept her offer.

Spending time with her, check. Still playing with sportscards, check. Good times, check.

I soon realized that it was a huge mistake. As I continued to pull out cards, she kept looking up their "worth". I was in big trouble.
After an hour, my wife had figured out just by using this small sample size, then multiplying by what I had upstairs, that we were millionaires. She couldn't understand why I wasn't as excited as she was.... there was no bursting her bubble. Deep into her beautiful brown eyes were dollar signs.... lots of them.
The next day I came home and there were vacation brochures on the counter. Belize, Bora Bora, and Montenegro.

I don't even know where Montenegro is.....

Then she comes home with a new car.

After reviving me, she explained it was just a test drive, and would I like to take it for a spin?

So I ask you, how the hell do I explain to her reality. And that this price guide is the furthest thing from it???
Why do they even print a price guide that haas no prices even close to true value???